What. The. Fuck. : A Series of Poor Decisions

"Well, my life is over."

Frank's roommate Todd put down the phone and collapsed back into the couch. To Frank, it looked as if he was trying to assimilate with it. Todd thought that maybe, just maybe, he could fuse with the couch on an atomic level through a quantum miracle. The universe would never be able to find him again. More importantly, neither would Alex or Megan.

"What's wrong?" asked Frank. He did not know Todd to be a depressive.

"Remember how great last week was? How I got published, and felt on top of the world?"

"Yeah."

"Remember how fucking dope I looked when we out each night?"

"In your opinion, yeah."

"Hawaiian shirts with rolled up sleeves are cool. I think. If it's good enough for Jon Cusack and Anthony Edwards, it's good enough for us. But I slayed. I banged five chicks that week."

"That's terrible. Life definitely over."

"Two of them are pregnant."

"Two?" Frank looked at Todd in disbelief.

Todd had the same incredulous look in his own eyes, but his pupils also contained fear and melancholy.

"Two, Todd confirmed. "Alex and I were blacked out. She was so sure we used protection. I didn't force the issue. Megan said she was on birth control."

"Never trust a woman."

"But she was hot!"

"Case in point."

"What am I gonna do, Frank?" Todd lamented to the sky while sinking further into the couch. "What am I gonna do?"

"Can't marry both. In a way, getting two relative strangers pregnant might be better than just knocking up one."

"Shut up."

"Serious."

"Alex ain't a stranger, she's a softball teammate. We're practically friends. Anyway, that's not what I'm worried about. Alex says she's keeping it, since she's getting on in years and still single, but I can be as involved as I want and that I'm not on the hook for child support-"

"-get it in writing-"

"-I'm not on the hook for child support, Frank. She may not be the brightest bulb, but I trust her in her sincerity. If it makes you happy, you who's so invested in this- oh, wait, you're not- I will. Dick."

"Thanks."

There were a few moments of silence before Frank chimed back up. "So it's Megan you're worried about?"

"She doesn't want to ruin her figure at 21 with a pregnancy. I just have to completely pay for the abortion. Bitch. But it's better than paying for a baby."

"What're you worried about then?"

"Remember that black chick whose name I don't remember?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't wear a condom with her either. And I have two missed calls from a number I don't recognize."

Ned Stark (You're A Fine Man)

To the tune of "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)" by The Looking Glass. Lyrics copyright Jimmy Davoren, about George RR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. Do not read if you haven't read Dance With Dragons. SPOILERS

There's a war in Westeros
And it kills a hundred men a day
Lonely soldiers miss the Starks who were slain
And say how Winter Comes

And there's a girl in a harbor town
Across the sea, laying justice down
They say, Arya, kill another clown
But enough about her now

Because Stannis said "Davos! You're a fine man (such a fine man)
What a good knight you would be (Onion knight)
But you smuggled, so your fingers belong to me"
(dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

Davos wore a pouch and chain
Carrying his fingers, luck, and shame
He lost it, on Blackwater Bay
For King Stannis whom he loves

He went to Wyman Manderly
To beg for a king's fealty
Wyman made it clear Rickon lives
White Harbor was his home

Jojen said "Brandon! I'm a greenseer (creepy greenseer)
What a good warg you would be (straight wizard)
But Beyond-The-Wall is where we need to be"
(dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

Yeah, Brandon saw a crow with three eyes
Who told him magic stories
His dream were real, one day he would fly
With the Children of the Forest
But now he was connected to the trees, lord, he was a weirwood man
Brandon does his best to understand
(dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

Davos is sent to find Rickon on the sea
Brandon walks through history
Sansa wants lemon cakes
And Arya's a Faceless Man

Melisandre says "Azor! Ahai! (Lightbringer)
Stannis it should be (for the Red God)
But in these fires, it is Jon Snow who I see"
(dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

Jon! You're Rhaegar's son! (and Lyanna)
A Targaryen you should be (Song of Ice and Fire)
The Prince that was Promised, not just the LC
(George-RR-George-RR-George-RR-Martin)

Poems IX

It's smoky out here in Mammoth because of a fire that can't reach us. It's smoke, on the other hand, is not making my lungs happy. I hate wildfires, and it's high season here in California. Drought and years of dryness have turned out beautiful forests into tinder. All we can hope is that El Niño brings a wet winter for the upcoming year. But really, we can't change the natural processes of nature to our liking. We have to accept what happens, while still doing all we can the right way. We only have control over ourselves, so that's where we need to start, "I'm starting with the Man in the Mirror/I'm asking him to change his ways." Please conserve. Please, be the best you that you can be.

"Wildfires"

"Healthily" trapped in a cabin, in a cottage
A haze outside
And a ruby sun.
We have freedom from the flames
But the smoke assails us still
Assaulted with ash,
The secondary details,
The ripples and Vulcan echoes, are we.
The fire was fanned by "other"
Lightning or lighted fag,
I fear a man with no remorse
More than nature which just is.
The worlds consumes itself
And needs justify nothing.
But I cough and hack and wheeze and burn,
My eyes tear
For beauty and solemn truth.
We will be long gone
Before the last of the fires die, out or down
But still we can mourn and cherish
For that's the gift that's been given us.

"Through the fire and the flames/We carry on"