What. The. Fuck. : A Series of Poor Decisions

"Well, my life is over."

Frank's roommate Todd put down the phone and collapsed back into the couch. To Frank, it looked as if he was trying to assimilate with it. Todd thought that maybe, just maybe, he could fuse with the couch on an atomic level through a quantum miracle. The universe would never be able to find him again. More importantly, neither would Alex or Megan.

"What's wrong?" asked Frank. He did not know Todd to be a depressive.

"Remember how great last week was? How I got published, and felt on top of the world?"

"Yeah."

"Remember how fucking dope I looked when we out each night?"

"In your opinion, yeah."

"Hawaiian shirts with rolled up sleeves are cool. I think. If it's good enough for Jon Cusack and Anthony Edwards, it's good enough for us. But I slayed. I banged five chicks that week."

"That's terrible. Life definitely over."

"Two of them are pregnant."

"Two?" Frank looked at Todd in disbelief.

Todd had the same incredulous look in his own eyes, but his pupils also contained fear and melancholy.

"Two, Todd confirmed. "Alex and I were blacked out. She was so sure we used protection. I didn't force the issue. Megan said she was on birth control."

"Never trust a woman."

"But she was hot!"

"Case in point."

"What am I gonna do, Frank?" Todd lamented to the sky while sinking further into the couch. "What am I gonna do?"

"Can't marry both. In a way, getting two relative strangers pregnant might be better than just knocking up one."

"Shut up."

"Serious."

"Alex ain't a stranger, she's a softball teammate. We're practically friends. Anyway, that's not what I'm worried about. Alex says she's keeping it, since she's getting on in years and still single, but I can be as involved as I want and that I'm not on the hook for child support-"

"-get it in writing-"

"-I'm not on the hook for child support, Frank. She may not be the brightest bulb, but I trust her in her sincerity. If it makes you happy, you who's so invested in this- oh, wait, you're not- I will. Dick."

"Thanks."

There were a few moments of silence before Frank chimed back up. "So it's Megan you're worried about?"

"She doesn't want to ruin her figure at 21 with a pregnancy. I just have to completely pay for the abortion. Bitch. But it's better than paying for a baby."

"What're you worried about then?"

"Remember that black chick whose name I don't remember?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't wear a condom with her either. And I have two missed calls from a number I don't recognize."