Poems II

Delving back into high school here for the first, crude one, but its heart truly belongs to the spirit of Phi Psi, where it was read as the opening act of the Fall '09 pledge class talent show. Any hate mail on this one should be directed to Vanderlei Luftwaffle, who I hear entered into a coma in late December 2012 and has yet to come out of it.

Excerpt from "Swiss Vulgarities Vol. 1"
"Takin' Home Fat Chicks Sober"

You may be lookin' super heinous,
But girl you know this average penis
Takes 'em from average all the way up to heavenly;
And on the flip side all the way down to slovenly.
I enjoy blasting off like a rocket in space
No matter what the fuck that is on your face.
Ugliness is not a factor,
I'm going to plow you like a tractor.

-Vanderlei Luftwaffle
(1937- )

The second poem is another limerick, dated October 31, 2011. This was the Halloween I wore a self-designed Captain Planet costume to class, complete with a green dye-sprayed mullet and Smurf facepaint.

"All Hallow's Limerick"

No Halloween spirit? I just couldn't stand it.
So I dressed up like ol' Captain Planet.
But when I wanted to pee,
It took ten minutes you see,
Root suit zippers are tougher than granite.